Because individuals of color can *absolutely* internalize problematic tips about ourselves
(Picture: Thanks To Madelyn Chung)
My boyfriend that is current is, but he could be among the not many Asian males IвЂ™ve dated.
Growing up, I lived in a predominantly white city, that was one explanation that i did sonвЂ™t date many Asian menвЂ”there simply werenвЂ™t numerous around to start with. However it had been additionally partially about me. Inside my teenagers and very very very early 20s, I happened to be vehemently against dating Asian dudes. Whenever buddies attempted to set me personally up utilizing the one Chinese man in primary college, as because I was the only Chinese girl, I quickly became annoyed if we were meant to be. Plus in senior school, we really obviously remember a number of dudes attempting to introduce me to their friend that is asian while had been looking forward to the bus after college 1 day. We scoffed and moved away, irritated in the expectation that is unspoken i will to personal competition.
Now, i could note that they were socially awkward, passive, unattractiveвЂ”and therefore not dateable that I was surrounded by many, many problematic messages about the desirability of Asian men (or lack thereof), which in turn led me to believe. But we additionally thought being combined with a guy that is asian make me appear more Asian, that I absolutely would not want. Being with a white man felt like stepping rock to being less various, or me more like the white girls I wanted to be like like it would make.